HURT...
Monday, May 3, 2010
I dont know why..once i heard she say her friend coming to HK to visit her..
The first thing, is that i feel losing in touch with her, cos since her friend visit her..of cos must accompany her wasnt it? And i admit i gt some selfish thought just nw. But ue can see the time is already getting lesser for us le. Each and everyday for the both of us to just webcam wif each other.If ue would say she's in SG ..i wont be that sad like what i'm just now..crying as if the world is tearing apart..but really very heartbreaking to heard she and her mum think that i bcos of this small thing already cnt take it..den if future, i will just commit suicide? small thing ue mean? already been working and study continously on weekday and cnt slp afterwards cos really have to spent time with her if nt wont have time to be with her le..only weekends off to accompany her.. Then if her friends come hw will have time for me? since she still schooling only can use the time she been with me on webcam spent wif her friend since her friend come..den wat about me? i aso nid her care..her time to spent with me.. i noe is like want her stick to me..doesnt wanna let her go.. but i really wanna accompany ue..in the past ue never even think that way? why must till now ur friend come le..den ue think i treat ue like my property? do ue noe hw hurt it is to think i am like this? did i complaint whenever ue ask me nt to..and did i say i wanna accompany my friends instead of ue? never! i never even say ue that way..why do ue nid to say something so hurt to me.. i start to feel the pain.. feel that i am just a pester again! i thou loving ue so much..care for ue so much..spent time with ue whenever i can is wat i can do to feel that i really love ue but why would ue think this way? never thou ue would say this to me at all ..in my life when ue say ue really love me so much! I'm hurt, bi! i really suffer so much le..my past..even sometime really wanna give up working so hard..but bcos of ue i have to..i wanna be wif ue..with ue forever i mean it..from the beginning .. i really love ue! ='(
- at that time i fear i would lose ue..i so scared ue would breakup wif me - my heart shatter into pieces -
Love
6:53 PM
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我對你的承諾
Thursday, April 29, 2010
It have been quite a long time dint post le, not bcos i'm lazy to post is that i dint have the "time" to post..i did have many things to post actually, about the ten days i have been together with bibi..and also when i feel emo or sad.. but dint get to post cos i rather spent the time with her..chatting on msn (webcam) or playinq AVA.
Ever since my school starts, my schedule for the whole weekdays are so tight..there aint any free time for myself.. as ue can see morning i have to slp awhile,(althou sometime dint slp at all) den have to study till late noon, den reached home have to spent sometime with my bibi (that's of cos de) den night have to work till the nxt morning..so ue can see is totally no free time like the time i have before school start, i still have one whole morning till my bibi come back home.And can hab enough rest for myself. Unlike now, have to finish my work den can have my rest..sometime cant slp = GG for schl ..den mornin only thurs can slp cos late start schl..and if can only when i ask bibi tt i wanna rest ..althou i'm sorry bi ..sometime overslpt and cnt wake up when ue call me =( --- after all I'm stress but is worth it, bcos i work so hard is for someone and she is none other than ue,bi (Ashley) <3
Haix, althou sometime i hate living this way have to work, study yet wanna be with her so much yet cant unlike others..but i love her so much. Sometime i ask myself why must i have to work, study and hardly can be with her? Unlike others ..doesnt nid to work, study as usual..and can have much time with someone he/she love..but why have to give me work so to get wat i want?
i have to work every weekdays but not for my own usages and is for the air ticket of mine/hers and also for the days we been together..that why the laptop i wanna buy is just a dream not a reality like what she says. Maybe i'm working so hard for this relationship is to prove my love to her? can i mean it this way so that i can feel much better? althou sometime i feel i cn't endure it..cos is tiring not able to have enough rest..and have to study feel like giving up, working for so many days. But once i think about is for her, my thoughts just change somehow~ is it bcos of her thats why i can persevere so long? no!no~ is bcos i love her so much, really wanna be with her forever thats why no matter hw.. i willing to & have to regrets..bcos i love ue,bi <3
After yesterday, viewing her post on blog & fb ..when i wake up somehow i feel so guilty left her alone, that make her lonely, emo and even cried and she once told me she dint have contacts in HK yet only can contact her SG friends and me via online..i cried too..cos i feel so sad abt it sometime whenever i think abt her situations now dint have much friends even thou she is still schling ..bcos i once told her i wont want her to be alone and i gonna take her away from the past to feel the love i giving her now..and truly wanna be with her forever. I swear i wont wanna her to lose her, cos she's the love of my life now & forever..ever since since i been with her..i can really feel the care and love she gave me..really feel so loved after been through hell in the past.. And also our parents dint even stop us been together yet support our relationship..especially my mum, she told me if ue really love her, just go for it.. and this time i swear, i wont let ue go from me anymore, bi .. i really love ue <3
Love
7:06 AM
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Past?
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
8 days left before my fantasy comes, I finally manage the time when to sleep when not to..cos always been sleeping in the middle of the conversation with my bibi on webcam for the past few weeks le..now at least i took the break time of mine go sleep instead of going home using lappy liao..like that wont be that tired when bibi come home from school when she wanna talk or play games with me althou i did fall asleep ytd for a min or two? LOLS! at least i'm improving le okay,bi? cos I doesnt wanna disapointed my bibi..even still tired still have to force it untill work! ha!ha! cos I want see my bi to smile and be happy can le =) .. I dont wanna see that sad face right on her face again! Dont want see her cry ever again! my heart feels so pain whenever she cry..
Just yesterday night when bibi called me, something happened my bi went talking to her friend in the middle of our conversation on the phone and after I seen her blog, i dont know why got this kind weird feeling..like I kinda not that important/close than her that "friend".. dont noe why~ am i been jealous of her close friend? LOLS! and i told my bibi that if she call me that time, she must be free already nothing to do going to sleep le so wont be anything bother her le..does my words hurts her? sorry.. =(
I just wanna say what was really in my mind cos I want her to understand me better..not want her to listen mine or scold her..and i believe and trust her, wont hurt me like the past..and hope bibi would forget about those past of hers..kinda dont like her to keep recaping of the past..cos i always thought i could took her away from her past or is it I'm not good enough to do that? cos recently she been saying and posting about her past and been emo-ing .. i dont wanna our feelings fade away bit by bit! >.< (like just this morning and ytd night on the phone, kinda both of us speechless) haix! Bi! promise me forget about the past and stay happy by my side forever never to let go can? I really love you,my love (L) <3
Love
11:32 AM
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Wake Up !
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Seriously today i wont be writing about anything good at all, only that the days is getting nearer and left 10days before our fantasy comes..but the days we been through wasnt that good at all..cos it was all my fault! I dont know what really happen to me, I really hope i could change it but it was not like i purposely wanna fall asleep just like that in the middle of the conversation, it just a blink of eyes i fall asleep le...is it my body start to break down or what? When the time i wanna sleep and can sleep but yet cant fall asleep and keep waking up in the middle of the night..kinda very pekchek leh! (
!@$#) I want like normal ppl like that..i wasnt like that before de ..it was like suddenly so easily fall asleep whenever i lie down..and bibi always ask me if i wanna slp just let her noe not just slp whenever i want if not she'll feel angry.. but not i dont want tell her i want sleep de..is i dont really wanna slp when i lie down but i just wanna close my eyes but i eventually just fall asleep..hais dont really noe hw to explain..anyway it's my problem,bibi ..if ue really angry with me..go ahead and scold me if it can make ue feel better dont have to feel that ue are hurting me..okay? i just want ue be happy..this stupid problem i will solve it from this 10days.. i scared if i really dont change this..really will effect our relationship! I dont want that to happen..even i cant i will force it by all mean.. I swear this time..after i saw ur blog i noe..and always feel it wasnt ur fault and why ue blaming urself it is me who just fall asleep just like that..not ue! and ue noe i want to spend time with ue but cant have enough sleep but if i will to tell ue i wanna sleep, I noe ue will understand it and let me but i just dont want ue alone, i afraid that ue will think other things and feel lonely..ue're someone i love..and wanna be with i dont want ue to feel it that way, bibi i hope ue can trust me one last time..forgive me will ya? =(
Love
4:47 AM
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Sickening!
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Yesterday was like one of a hell day sia, in the morning after work and wake bi up.. have to prepare to go to CMPB to hand in the defer letter liao..by the time we reached there was already 10.30pm le lol~ sian then i decided to go Somerset go buy the "Converse" sweater which i always wanna buy de at Orchard Central shopping mall. hehex! Before danny and i go there, we went to a hawker centre there for lunch cos too hungry liao after a long trip to CMPB. The foods there quite nice eh especially the mixed veg rice~ wow "spicy chicken" taste so nice! next time bring my bibi go there try..After that we have our lunch le, we went to buy the sweater..actually wanna buy the white sweater but when trying to put it on ..kinda hmm think black color de nicer and look cool too. =P .. So eventually i bought the black sweater instead then and wear it right after i bought it..ha!ha! cannot wait to wear it lol cos too nice le! Then after we went around the new shopping mall open recently "313" ..also when bi come i also will bring her there for shopping then.. After that reached home, online webcam with bi, and dont know why always fall asleep de leh cant stand the tiredness again! wakao! sian! make my bi disappointed lol! SOBS!
After that when i wake up around 9+pm, the stupid internet sux lol..msn also cant webcam! kao!
After that, i went to work le..bibi doing her homework then, around 2am+ near to 3am .. i went to AXS machine to book the bbq pit for 3rd of April..and went back home right after that..and online and yet i found out that "someone" took my maplestory main acc's inventory and gib it to the "someone"'s acc ? wtf lol? no need to ask de just like that took it away? then the past things, the "someone" lost it de how? forget le ah?no need to return and pay back to me? no say wat already past le still bring out? still say my bi at behind my bi's back? i say times and times again is not cos of who he let me know den i'll noe my bi..if even nt knowing others i eventually will find bi and go know my bi de myself just that need more courage to do so..even before knowing his friend i already fall for bibi le lol! and whoever wanna flirt or say my bi's behind her back i wont let him/her off that's for sure..i dont care who it's, friends or family ...this's me..i want the one i love feel my love to her~that's it
Okay, what i want to say de i say liao..i think i end here bahx~
Love
3:44 PM
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2 weeks time
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Finally done all my enrollment to NYP polytehnic le, after two days wasted on that :P
Have my best friend "Danny" accompany me together go AMK to pay our NYP fees and also go for checkup on monday. Wow! that checkup was damn long lol! kinda need to wait for the queue around 1hr+ almost two hours den can have the checkup done. Jeez~~ lucky only spent $20+ on that checkup but kinda "heart pain" lol! and i was afraid taking the color blindness test. Sian lol, i cant even see a damn number on the book lol..confirm GG.com. Anyways is over le, so can relax liao, and yesterday i have just hand in the enrollment forms in le and get the deferment letter le so can go CMPB hand in the form to defer lol~after that i can really relax for the 2weeks to be over..and that's when my fantasy come true! Bi, I Love You..Muacksz! <3
Love
6:58 AM
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Stress!
Monday, March 15, 2010
Hais, nothing special to write ehs~ kinda feeling down after think about something...
Like always i thought i could really have a break to let myself enjoy but yet things keep popping out and that i cant finish all the job that's needed to be done and really enjoy myself sia, feel so stress when comes to money,studies and work. If i'll to have my my time to be with bibi and do things i wanna do yet it's just a short period of time nia. Sobs!
I wonder if time can be controlled by a remote control that can use to pause the time whenever i wanna be with bibi and have my own time and also can be use to fast forward those boring days when i'm studying and working..especially at work cos i have to face colleagues giving me "black" face or whatever it's cos they're just been jealous/ nt happy abt something~ then why bothered working there in the first place sia? Have to gib that **** look to me? LOLS..anyway those i hate de when saw them all i have to do is plug in headphones to my hp and on the music and listen to it. =D
Okay, i think i end here le..anyway, bibi 16days more days to go yeah? <3
I Love You, beloved bibi (Ashley Lau)
Love
6:43 AM
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